FRIV - Part the Eighth

There's nothing worse than starting the day realising you've just fucked something up at work...

Happy Friday y'all.

The first video for this week's FRIV was sent to me by Wade who says of the video: "[my friend's] Brazilian sister in law swears that she got it from her cousin whose cat it was. In other words: urban legend!!"

Whether it's true or not, it's certainly pretty amusing.

The backstory has the owners of the cat wondering why their water bill had been so high for some time...



The second offering is something a little more contemplative than usual.

As I've mentioned previously, I loves me some good photography, and this stop-motion video is just beautiful (and can be enjoyed without the sound Helen).



And finally, a couple of external video links. This is a gold short film about Robin attempting to go on a date without Batman.

And this is the trailer for the new Bond film. It look good. I excite.

That is all.

I shall now return to sorting out my work mess before heading off down the coast for the weekend.

Up the Swannies!

US Intelligence? What would they know.

The charmingly named Sarah Smiles reports in today's Age that "the Prime Minister has dismissed parts of a US intelligence report that link the Iraq war with spreading global terrorism".

I love this.

Apparently John Howard knows better than 16 combined US intelligence agencies. The National Intelligence Estimate report is generated by the most highly organised, heavily funded intelligence community that has ever existed. But John Howard doesn't trust them. Why?

"Intelligence agencies have different views at different times," he told ABC radio.

"Some of the intelligence agencies that were involved in this assessment were telling us … that Iraq in 2003 had weapons of mass destruction."

That's right, John Howard knows better than these intelligence agencies, because some of them provided the information that he chose to believe sufficiently to send our Defence Forces off to war in Iraq.

So if these agencies provide you with information that will allow you to take politically expedient steps to war, then they must be listened to. They are, after all, the most technologically advanced, far-reaching intelligence apparatus in the world.

But if they suggest that your actions may in fact be exacerbating the situation then they are perennially incompetent flip-floppers who are to blame for the fact that the war exists in the first place.

Fortunately we have brave little Johnnie Howard who can step in and talk some sense. It's so enchantingly clever the way he can be in the right on both sides of an argument.

I've mentioned before that the right have been much craftier with their use of language than the left. But I've got to admit, the recent conservative trend towards being right on both sides of an argument is beginning to seem ridiculous.

Mr Lefty puts this best:

"Fundamentally, the world is a safer place, thanks to the leadership of George Bush, Tony Blair and John Howard, and it is also much more dangerous than it was five years ago, underlining how much we need more of their leadership."

Thank God he's never going to be out of office...

NRLY

I mean seriously.

The NRL has lost its championship trophy five days before the Grand Final.

Apart from the fact that it's barely a game (or perhaps for that very reason), they could only manage an average crowd attendance of 17,336 this year (compared to the AFLs 32,250) and they can't even keep hold of the sport's major prize.

I just... honestly. What do Northerners see in it?





And bad luck Scotty West.


It should have been you.

B.O.R.E.D.

I don't want to be at work. Wah.

Why is no one updating their blogs!? Don't they realise they have a duty to entertain me when I have nothing to do!?!

WON'T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!


Oh Dawn, I know how you feel.

FRIV - Part the Seventh

It's time for Friday's Random Interweb Video! Hooray!!

But first...

Separated at birth?



Above is Beavis of Beavis and Butthead fame. Below is the Right Honourable Dr Brendan Nelson MP, Federal Defence Minister and Liberal Member for Bradfield as depicted in this morning's Age newspaper by Matt Golding.

The truly frightening thing is that neither of them seems capable of moving their faces above the mouth...

And on to today's videos.

This kid is four years old. Dude.


And if you haven't had the pleasure of meeting Borat before, or even if you have, here he is on Conan O'Brien.


Hee hee. This just in courtesy of Virginia.

OK, that was just getting annoying - I've taken the video off 'cos it keeps playing every time this blog gets loaded. If you want to get your kitten fix, go here.

The Irwin memorial tragedy

After getting home from work yesterday evening, I turned on the telly for my usual bout of post-work laziness and encountered the tail end of the Steve Irwin memorial service at Australia Zoo. To be honest, after watching a parade of quintessentially "aussie" celebrities strut their stuff, I had to turn it off as our Great and Noble Leader took the microphone to wax lyrical about the Australian-ness of the Crocodile Hunter.

It was tragic. Not because of the forced sentiment of the performers, but because it seemed to reinforce Irwin's cult of celebrity, and take from the family the intensely personal experience of the death of a loved one.

Nowhere was this more evident than the speech of Bindi Irwin, Steve's eight year-old daughter.

I speak from experience as someone who has been on the wrong end of a parent's death. Bindi's speech, while remarkable for it's apparent composure, was a performance for an international television audience. It was not the personal message of a daughter who had just tragically lost her father, but a set piece, performed flawlessly, with all the self-awareness such coverage brings with it. As a consequence, I found it quite unsettling.

Everyone deals with grief in a different way. Some people scream and cry until they have nothing left but sleep. Others stay quiet, almost physically detached from the events occurring around them. But no matter what the response, the formal, ritualised condolences from those outside the family circle are almost always innappropriate.

I found one of the most obvious examples of this is being told how brave you are. It's a cliche that comes quickly and easily to mind - "you're being so brave" - but someone who has just experienced the death of a loved one is not being "brave", they are just going on as best they can. The world either falls apart completely, or you continue to put one foot in front of the other. There is nothing "brave" in this response - there just simply isn't another option.

Another assumption is that everything else falls away, that those affected can think of nothing but the loved one lost and that all thought of other matters is almost sacrilegious. But that's not how it works at all. You continue to function as you always have. You think the same thoughts as you did last week. You have the same conceipts, vanities, neuroses, it's just that everything is enhanced by the lead weight in your stomach and the exhaustion of constant thought. In effect, nothing has changed.

I don't know who decided Bindi Irwin should speak at her father's memorial service, it may even have been Bindi herself, but I question the wisdom of the decision. Despite everything else that was going on, Bindi was clearly intensely aware of what it was she was doing. I suspect the thought of speaking to an audience of several million people around the world would have been her main preoccupation for the whole of yesterday if not several days before. The same would go for anyone placed in a similar position. But the result was a little girl intent on performing her best to a huge audience - the only use to tug on the heart strings of those watching from a distance.

It is difficult to suggest to anyone how they should go about grieving, but I feel that Bindi was used in a way that did not contribute to her family, or herself, but rather fed the entertainment quotient of "the slick production" of yesterday's memorial service. The media today is praising her as a "brave little girl", feeding the condolence cliche machine, but I don't see bravery, I see an eight year-old tragically severed from her Dad not having the opportunity to sit with her family and experience collective grief, but being placed, literally, on a pedestal and expected to perform.

The family will continue to put one foot in front of the other as the attention slips away, they'll learn how to deal with an entirely new set of relationships as the media packs up and goes home. Over the next few weeks they will come to grips with the reality of their situation and slowly return to a normal, but entirely different life.

Bindi Irwin's performance was truly impressive, but only as a performance. I just wish she'd been given the chance to experience her Dad's death in the arms of her family instead of on an isolated stage in front of millions of strangers.

Bits and Pieces

Who the fuck is Sam Brett and why must The Age expose us to her insufferable cliche-ridden tripe. Am I the only one with a burning desire to stab blunt knitting needles through her eyes? I mean seriously, "girls, hold on to your men" - FUCK OFF!

For the economic geeks out there, or for those who just enjoy some serious graphical representation, have a look at this awesome graph of the US budget. Just amazing.

Bookshelves made of random shapes that you can simply stick to your walls in any shape. I want them.





[last two things via Boing Boing]

UPDATE: Oooh, ooh. How on earth did I not notice that CC has joined the world of the interwebbers! Welcome.

Hai-coup

Thailand unhappy
Also is army it seems
Bangkok coup d'etat

or would you prefer

Shinawatra bad
Thais got all up in his grill
Bye bye government

Vote 1 wom*n

Some of you may have had the pleasure of encountering Miranda Airey-Branson before. She gained some notoriety in the blogging world during the infamous Pandagate saga (and if you are not familiar, I highly recommend the read) and shortly thereafter was exposed as one of the charming Young Liberals who were accused of posing "as 'bogus Green campaign workers' on election day to trick Green supporters into voting Liberal" in Port Melbourne during the last federal election.

She is also noted for asking Andrew Bolt, during her time as Editor of Melbourne University's student newspaper Farrago, how it was that he managed to stay "attractive and conservative at the same time" and for having some interesting views on a whole range of things.

Well, you'll be pleased to know that Ms Airey-Branson is back in the political thick of things as a candidate for Women's Officer in the Melbourne University Student Union elections. As such, she has a couple of blurbs in Farrago outlining her policies.

This is her pitch for the office of Women's Officer:

"Hi, I'm Miranda Airey-Branson. The current office bearers are too corrupt to be in the students union. I'm sick of the Union treating me as belonging to a special disadvantaged group just because I'm a woman. Women don't need these ridiculous rules creating special positions for women for the reason that we are women.

Enough is enough, by electing me I will fight to break down these barriers perpetuating a belief that men are better than women. Join me in showing the world that women can beat men at anything when we are not being patronised by absurd anti-discrimination measures."

In other words, "elect me and I will scrap this position". Not the best way to get elected I would have thought. Nonetheless. She then goes on to give Melbourne University Students an idea of what the Women's Officer should really be aiming for:

"Hello my name is Miranda. My dream is to be just like Paris Hilton. She is truly a role model for young women all around the world. Paris has the confidence and the will to stand up for herself and for her rights - we all need to follow her example and step into the world knowing that we can do anything and nothing and no-one can prevent us from achieving every success."

That's right ladies, you need to stop being so put upon and be more like Paris.

Jelly, Virginia, Sophie, CC, Snooze and other readers sporting lady bits take note!

PS - You may be surprised to learn that Ms Airey-Branson was unsuccesful in her attempt to be elected, nor (unfortunately) did she get a spot on the Women's Committee.

IOYC - back in the game

Hoorah!

I'M ON YOUR COMPUTER or simply IOYC, one of the oddest and enchantingly worded bloggers on the interwebs has returned. I insist you go there immediately.

The Pope and lack of context

Waleed Aly writes a thoughtful piece in today's Age about the (over)reaction to Pope Benedict's comments on Islam.

As the more extreme elements in the Muslim world go about demonstrating that they are not violent by reacting violently, Aly points out that Benedict's comments were delivered as part of an academic theological paper at a German University and that his quoting of the 14th century Byzantine Emperor Manuel II has been taken almost entirely out of context.

Regardless of whether or not you believe it was appropriate for a man of such religious prominence to be drawing attention to the (presumably now) irrelevant musings of a medieval christian leader, it is difficult to argue that the response has been warranted. As Aly points out more lucidly that I am able, Benedict used the quote almost as a footnote to elaborate his point that "missionary violence is contrary to rationality" and therefore could not have "come from God". Taken in context, how this could be construed as being anti-Islam it is difficult to say.

But that's exactly the point. The Pope's words were not taken in context.

The quotation that was used was plucked from the transcript and broadcast across the world. A brilliant soundbite, certain to stir up a lively response. That it ran contrary to the spirit of the full address was considered irrelevant.

I find it increasingly depressing that this style of reporting and the public acceptance of it has reduced debate to the simplest of phrases and quickest of soundbites. What was done to the Pope's address is done on a daily basis to politicians and as a result, political discourse both in this country and around the world is now little more than a battle of one-liners. It leaves no room for big ideas or the encouragement of intelligence or discussion. Any extended concept or speech is tagged by the best, most controversial soundbite that can be wrung from it and as a consequence, no one in the public eye is willing to say anything even remotely engaging and when they do you end up with a Barry Jones' spaghetti diagram situation, a perfect example of not being willing or able to engage the ideas put forward.

Gah. This is why we need more people like Waleed Aly. You never know, one day people might actually go back to respecting complex thought.

FRIV - Part the Sixth

First of all, I just thought I'd let you know that I've decided to go into the music business.

Make your own here.

Now for random interweb videos. I know many of you have seen this before, but I think it's worth re-airing. I love David Attenborough...


And next, Japanese tree catching.

Where I've been

If you are easily enjealoused, look away now.

On Sunday night Snooze and I headed down the south west coast to the lovely and exceptionally green Otways national park.

We camped in a tent next to the car with lots of stuff.


In the morning, it was pretty.


Pete and the Redhead arrived with their Italian friend Federico.

We put all the stuff in novelty oversize packs and started walking.


And walking.


And walking.



It was nice.


Then we had to cross a river.


It was cold.

Then we walked some more.


Then we stopped and had dinner.


And looked at the nice views.


There were dead people.


And koalas.


Then we got up and walked some more.


And walked.

We saw some more koalas (18 to be exact).


And walked.


We gambolled on the beach.


And walked.


Then we got to the end and went here.


And had a roast.

It was delightful.

Now we're back in Melbourne and I have to go back to work. Boo.

The end.

So that's where I've been so you can stop wringing your hands and crying "where oh where has Tom gone!!??" because I'm back now.

Now Peter Brock?

The Sydney Morning Herald is speculating on it's website that Peter Brock has been killed in a rallying accident in WA.

The report is as yet unconfirmed, but if it's true, then that's another sad loss.

UPDATE: It seems like the story's true. Well I guess that's three: Colin Thiele, Steve Irwin, Peter Brock now hopefully Fate will bugger off and leave us alone...

FRIV - Part the Fifth

Friday. Woot!

The first random interweb video for today comes from the labs of MIT. Very clever stuff.



The second? Why talking dogs of course.



I am going for a wander down the coast for the first half of next week so there may be a lapse in transmission...

Holy deluge Batman

You wouldn't know it living in Melbourne, but apparently Sydney copped an absolute pounding from the weather last night.

Somewhat incronguously, The Age seems to have more up-to-date info than the Sydney Morning Herald.

The SMH reports: "Storms dumped some of the heaviest rain on Sydney in months, with significant falls also in both the Illawarra and Hunter regions."

While The Age managed to find this slightly more impressive statistic: "A Bureau of Meteorology spokesman said today that Observatory Hill, near the CBD, since 9am (AEST) yesterday had recorded its greatest rainfall in any 24-hour period since 1883."


Cool. Why can't WE have big-arse storm?

Steve Irwin and right-wing hysteria

An astonishingly bile-ridden attack piece by John Birmingham in today's Australian savaging Germaine Greer for daring to suggest Steve Irwin was something other than a national hero.

The reaction to Greer's article in Australia has been fascinating if for no other reason than it serves to highlight the state of hysterical partisan hackery that exists in the mainstream media. Published in The Guardian the day after Steve Irwin was killed by the now infamous stingray, Greer's piece (which can be read in full here) is neither particularly controversial, nor noticeably 'left'. That those on the right have reacted the way they have is just extraordinary.

Take this selection of quotes from Birmingham's rant:

"...expat Germaine Greer pulled on her redundant fright mask and charged into print to bitchslap and rake at the dead father of two..."

"For the childless former Celebrity Big Brother contestant..."

"Less a harridan than a poorly sketched caricature of a harridan, she would be easy to dismiss as some unwashed and wretched bag lady who had somehow stumbled on to the opinion pages of The Guardian, were it not for the fact this feral hag does actually speak for a significant minority."

"...she probably wouldn't like to think of herself as having anything to do with those three guys at the breakfast buffet, as they were grown men rather than hairless boys, and thus deserving only of her contempt rather than any creepy sexual consideration."

"...Greer has condensed the ill feelings of a whole class of Australian sophisticates..."

"...a barking maddie such as Greer.

In just over a thousand words, Birmingham steers entirely clear of the content of Germaine Greer's comments and charges headlong into personal abuse and underhanded insults.

Let's look at Birmingham's checklist:

Call her ugly: Check

Barren: Check

A fame whore: Check

Sexually "creepy": Check

An "ill feeling" "Australian sophisticate": Check and check

An insane dog: Check

Well I hope that makes him feel better.

This is the feature opinion piece in the country's only national newspaper.

It makes me wonder how such a supposedly reputable publication could allow such writing to be published.

Well apparently it's because even the death of a famous animal wrangler has been turned into a battle of left versus right.

Why is it Birmingham feels so threatened by a "childless former Celebrity Big Brother contestant"? Because, as he grudgingly admits, "this feral hag does speak for a significant minority" of "inner urban elite(s)".

Do you see - the inner urban elites hate Steve Erwin, hate him - and why? BECAUSE THEY'RE INNER. AND URBAN. AND ELITE. (!!!).

So what most of us thought was just an unfortunate event that has devastated a family and ruined the viewing pleasure of millions around the world, has now turned into "us" (the right), versus "them" (the left urban inner city elite). And Birmingham's best response to the fact that a "significant minority" of people don't believe "Steve Irwin's death may become our very own Kennedy moment", is an extraordinary personal attack on the one commentator who has been brave enough to suggest this alternative view. How very Andrew Bolt of him.

How Germaine Greer's appearance, sexual preferences or fertility have anything to do WITH ANYTHING, I'm not quite sure, but John Birmingham sure reckons he's hit on a winner.

Congratulations John. Aren't you just a charming clever-clogs.

Overhyped much?

Oh for fuck's sake.

Look, I find it sad that Steve Irwin is dead, I've said so before, and he deserves all the respect due to anyone recently deceased.

But television reporters suggesting that the response to his death can be likened to Princess Diana, John Lennon and JFK is just insane.

By all means have a quiet thought about the guy and chat among your friends, but honestly...JFK?

An open letter to the dog across the laneway behind my house as inspired by the genius of McSweeney's

Dear Dog,

In recent times it appears you have taken it upon yourself to be guardian of all things in your general vicinity at all hours of the day and night, myself clearly included. For that service I would like to thank you but also raise the possibility that you are, in fact, a demented hound of Hades torn loose from your ties and forced through the earth's crust to find yourself cruelly imprisoned in our neighbours' yard. I mention this purely for the fact that were these neighbours still alive, I'm sure they would have taken steps to silence your astonishingly loud and inappropriately timed yapping.

For many months I have battled a war of wills with your smaller, hoarser cousin across the laneway, the indefatigable bark of which has driven me as near distraction as I should ever like to get. Night after night for hours and hours without cease we have mentally and verbally jousted, with peace only achieved after a lengthy period of tooth gnashing and the inevitable note in the letterbox. That I should once again be thrust into the fray with a four-legged adversary such as yourself only serves to compound the grievous harm to which one of us I fear must inevitably come.

Let me assure you that I am aware that your lodgings may be unacceptable to you, that you crave the warmth, love, attention and exercise you deserve. I accept that you may feel disgruntled with your lot, that your humans may not feed you, that the possums tease you without mercy. Some of my best friends are dogs. But let us for a moment take pause to consider the format of your chosen protest and perhaps suggest a more constructive approach to resolving the issues that clearly stand in the way of your cooperation in seeing me receive a good night's sleep.

There is a school of thought, widely adopted by protest movements around the world that peaceful protest is a most efficient method of proving ones point. An extension of this most civilised of techniques is that of 'Standing for Peace', adopted by Quakers through which the message is delivered by silent vigil. It seems self-evident that your current reign of terror in the wee hours is having little if any effect on your cause so I propose, in the interests of all those involved that you adopt the Quaker technique and boldly stand a silent sentinel, sending a powerful message to those under whose care you fall and providing the neighbourhood a service for which we will be eternally grateful.

I trust you will take these suggestions on board in the very best of faith.

Sincerely,

Tom Item

Paint like JPoll

This is a very cool Jackson Pollock painting generator brought to my attention by the lovely Snooze.

Funtown.

Hint: try clicking your mouse.

Goodbye Steve

I just read this on a blog and thought it was a joke.

Steve "Crikey" Irwin has died after being stung by a stingray in Queensland.

I always found him an annoying pillock, but that is just awful. At least he died "doing his thing" rather than being hit by a bus or something equally pedestrian (excuse the pun).

If I had a filing system, I would file this under 'sad'.

We are indeed a happy team

I went to the football yesterday with Snooze and Virginia and Virginia's Dad.

I haven't been to the football since about round 3 this year, mainly because I can't handle seeing my team get beaten. It hurts. We get beaten a lot.

I had a feeling that things might go our way, but at the same time I was steeling myself for yet more pain. And so it was with glee that I watched as the Mightys flogged the hapless, disinterested Cats and farewelled a veteran of the team, John Barker.




Forgive me for crowing, but the opportunity is so rare these days.

Oh, did I mention my three companions are Geelong supporters?

And in an attempt to salvage the friendship that I have just gone a significant way to shredding by my blatant bragging, congratulations to Sophie and Virginia on five years of Governmentally-unrecognised bliss. X.