"The appreciation was all mine"

It is with something of a heavy heart that I return to this blog.

My absence over the last couple of weeks (as I'm sure you've gathered) was due to the show. In the last fortnight I have strengthened new friendships and rediscovered my love of acting. That it all ended so abruptly on Saturday night is difficult to handle - it leaves a void, a big hole that Christmas will (I'm sure) do it's best to fill.

Once again, our little theatre company has produced something quite extraordinary. We've been stretched to our absolute limits financially, mentally and physically. A production built for a massive professional theatre was poked and prodded into a tiny space and an even smaller budget with fantastic results.

The cast was/is simply magnificent. Not just astoundingly talented, but wonderful people - every one of them. I already miss them desperately.

Not to paint too rosy a picture. It was hard work. Every morning I would wake up feeling like I'd been physically beaten. Even taking afternoons away from work was not enough to stem the bone tiredness. A constant background hum of nerves accompanied me everywhere.

But that's why I love it. Mentally, socially, physically, every aspect of you is tested, pushed, stretched. It makes me feel like I'm really DOING something, that this is what I was built for.

There are so many thoughts and words whirling around my head that I can't possibly grab hold of them and line them up in a coherent post. So you will just have to bear with me until I calm down and equilibrium is restored.

Normal blogging will resume...eventually.

I have stories to tell, gold to deliver, but not today.

In the meantime, Merry Christmas to all.

There's no business etc.

So the show opens tomorrow night.

Melbourne readers should come along.

Seriously. It'll be heaps of fun and it looks HOTT.






That's all I've got.

In case you missed it

A BOOZED Glenn Milne pushing Stephen Mayne off the stage at last night's Walkley Awards.

Pure Gold!



In other news, that insufferable "net star" Sandi Thom - you know the one responsible for "I Wish I Was A Punk Rocker" - has apparently been in Melbourne and was to play a "secret gig" until only 25 people showed up and it got cancelled. Ha! (I know I shouldn't laugh, but really, that song is infuriating)



And in further news, it appears that Labor's very own gracefully aging lesbian look-alike Kevin "The Animal" Rudd is going to challenge the Beazer after all. What a shock! Frankly, anyone or anything that can get rid of that droning policy vacuum of a national leader should be heartily applauded.

*takes off angry boots*



Separated at birth?

Labor's Kevin Rudd


Comedian Sue-Ann Post

I'm just saying.

Oh, hi

I’ve been too distracted to comment on the Victorian election to date and that’s saying something, ‘cos I loves me a democratic process. So I figure it's time to get all political on yo asses.

There were no enormous surprises. No unexpected seats were lost, the swings were insubstantial. All-in-all a pretty mediocre end to what was a remarkably low-key campaign.

But the one thing that caught my attention was the behaviour of the "Left" parties towards each other.

The clash between Labor and the Greens has really been quite fascinating.

I was brought up in a staunchly Labor family. We have photos of my parents in their 30s bedecked in "It's Time" t-shirts and emblazoned with face-sized Gough badges. My childhood front garden often bore the ALP placards in the lead up to elections, both State and Federal, despite our location placing us firmly in Liberal strongholds.

But despite the obvious political leanings, what lay at its heart was not loyalty to the Party as such, but a belief in the doctrine. Labor stood for social policy, support of the underpriveleged, environmental responsibility, health and education. Labor parties did not believe in running massive surpluses. Public funding would be used to support public infrastructure. Government was not a business, but a mechanism for supporting the population - public servants in the most literal sense of the word.

Few people can deny that the Labor Party has drifted a fair way from this foundation, a fact borne out by the seemingly identical policies released by the two major parties during the state election. Labor is now about big surpluses, business advantage and half-hearted environmental policy. Deepening the Port Phillip Bay channel, building roads with public funds and then adding "user-pays" tolls, slowly abandoning their planning guidelines to allow bigger and more profitable private development, no support for progressive policies like same-sex unions, an end to old-growth logging or genuine strategies to tackle drug abuse.

And yet the venom with which those loyal to Labor have attacked others who have drifted to a party that now actually represents the old Labor ideals is extraordinary.

Labor does not represent what I believe in any more - and it's not me that's changed.

There is an argument that is frequently batted around that goes thusly: There are only two parties that can take power in an election - Labor and Liberal. Labor is more progressive than the Liberals, therefore, if you consider yourself progressive, a vote for anything other than Labor is not only a loss for the left, but a victory for the right. The extension of this is that if you disagree with Labor policy, but see it as the lesser of two evils, then you must still vote Labor.

As a consequence, the Greens came under sustained and intense attacks from both the left and the right, particularly in the last couple of weeks before the poll. It's actually astounding that they managed to maintain their vote from the previous election.

The Labor Party spent most of the final week of campaining bitterly accusing the Greens of making preference deals with the Liberals in a desperate attempt to scare away any left-of-centre voters who may have been considering a change. But then they turned around and said it was all the Greens fault. It's the Greens who are fracturing the left, the Greens who are responsible for Bronwyn Pike almost losing her seat, the Greens who are to blame for the reduced majority.

No.

Labor has drifted so far from it's socially-progressive roots that many people simply cannot justify voting for them. It's not the Greens fault that I agree with their policies. It's not the Greens fault that I am increasingly dismayed by what Labor stands for.

If the Labor Party is as concerned about the Green vote as they seemed to suggest during this election campaign, then they need to start looking very seriously at their own policies and their own culture. It's not the Greens who are fracturing the progressive side of politics, Labor has left it's supporters with no other options.

Here endeth the rant.

LOLZ

I wasn't excited about the Ashes until the first ball was bowled. Literally.

Anyway, watching the cricket on the intermawebs at work has just reminded me why I like it so much. The guys who write the running commentary are highly amusing.

126.2 Hoggard to Ponting, no run, Ponting takes a big stride forward but leaves it alone, like the big-striding-leaver that he is

125.4 Giles to Ponting, no run, "ooooh yes Gilo" says Jones, for no apparent reason as it was perfectly defended

GAH!!

As I'm typing this, Punter's just been dismissed for 196. Bugger! I jinxed it.

Is "Jo" the "Most beautiful Woman" of all time?

I have often pondered this very question myself, with those exact quotation marks and selective use of capitals.

The "Jo" I am referring to is, of course, none other than Jo Silvagni nee Bailey. Do I really have to tell you?

Currently host of the earth-shatteringly brilliant and not-at-all infomercial Melbourne Weekender on Channel 7 in Melbourne, "Jo" is pretty much the closest thing the world has to a living goddess.

Apparently.

A quick check of the interblag returns numerous entries on "Jo", but none so informative, emphatic and downright authoritative than the Yahoo "Jo Bailey" Group website.

Jo is without a doubt the most beautiful woman to have ever lived.

See.

Her dazzling looks rival past beauties "Grace Kelly", "Audrey Hepburn" or current beauties "Catherine Zeta Jones" or "Brooke Burke".

Who is Brooke Burke!?

Jo has the spunk, sensuality and fire of a "Katherine Hepburn", "Marilyn Monroe" and "Nicole Kidman".

Is a "Katherine Hepburn", "Marilyn Monroe" and "Nicole Kidman" a single entity? Like a giant three-lady-sized mega-babe (literally)? Human megafauna? Awesome. She truly is a force to be reckoned with.

Jo's Goddess/Amazon like body would make the likes of "Elle MacPherson" or "Sophia Loren" pale into insignificance in her presence. A body perfectly designed genetically to be paraded at any red carpet event, Bikini / lingerie parade or bearing perfect children in her image.

Good for the secksing and the bearing of the kiddie-winks. If only she had the intellect to support her mighty physique...but wait.

Jo could also match it with an "Oprah Winfrey", "Barbara Walters" or "Jana Wendt".

Another gigantic multi-lady! Won’t somebody save us from these terrifying yet startlingly attractive and devastatingly intelligent earth-roaming she-beasts!

Jo is the complete package.

Bow down ye mere mortals. Thou art in the presence of "THE complete package".

I'M ON UR SCREEN
SECKSING UR EYES!!

Ah to be a photographer

There's something magic about taking photos, and digital cameras make the job so much easier.

Though there is nothing quite like the thrill of taking a shot with slide film and discovering two months later that it's come out perfectly, digital photography can provide instant gratification and when it goes right the results are no less spectacular or satisfying.

Being a photography hack I helped out last night with some promotional shots we've prepared for the show and in a sea of average snaps, this one came through just beautifully.

Very cool

Historic Presidential speech "tag clouds".

[Via]

Distracted much?

I'm sorry, what was that? I missed it.

Oh I see, sure.

...

Um, look I know we just went over this, but what did you just say again?

Oh, yep yep, sweet.

...

So it was...

Ah, yes, that's right - the items. Of course. I'll get onto it straight away.




There was a line used by a reviewer not so long ago in relation to a new play by a notable young Melbourne playwright that went something along the lines of: "if you've ever wondered what it's like to watch Lally Katz eat her own brain then see this show".

I think I'm half way through my own brain at this point and I've just reached the productivity centre. I'm pretty much a productivity free zone right at the moment. Fortunately, there's not too much on at work, so it's not as disastrous as it could easily be, but still...

Somewhat predictably, it's the show that's weighing on my mind (and it seems I'm not the only one").

Last time we visited this topic I was being a whingey bitch. You may be bored witless pleased to hear that things are now looking up considerably. I'm much happier with what I'm doing, but more importantly, the show is coming together very nicely indeed.

We have three weeks to opening night. Just typing that gives me the flutters, but we're in a very good position for the final push ("tally ho, boys!" etc). This is when things really start to happen. Scripts are down, lines are learnt, the production team is hitting their stride, costumes and props are appearing, details being worked out, sound and light, entrances and exits, timing, shaping, polishing. This is when it starts to get serious.


Each rehearsal that comes and goes marks another one down before the actual performance. Nerves start to flit around the cast and crew. Publicity ramps up, ticket sales open, flyers and programs, headshots and bios. You can't go back now, the course is set inexorably.

At this point the cast is at about 40%. As we start to do runs of Acts, that will pick up to 50% or so. Add costumes and another 10-15% will appear again. Then the live band arrives - up to 70%. Full runs another 10%. By the time we hit the theatre itself, we should be getting there. Add the final ingredients of space, lights, sound, band, costumes and audience combined and we'll be bouncing off the walls.

This is what it's all about.










For those of you interested, a number of the cast (yes, including me) will be performing live on Derek Guille's Evening Show on 774 ABC Melbourne this coming Tuesday night (21 November). We should be on around 7:45pm-ish.

Whilst my guitar gently weeps

Dear English Speaking World,

Please kindly refrain from using the word "whilst". It shits me.

"While" is perfectly adequate in every situation. It is never necessary to use whilst under any circumstances. Ever.

Whilst is for people who like to sound officious. Whilst is for people who want to sound cleverer than they are.

Won't somebody think of the children etc??!!

I won't have it. NO MORE!!

And while you're at it, get rid of "bumpkin" too.

Sincerely, Tom.

Friday sleepiness

*Yawn*

Anyone else over this week?

[via]

Roll on 5 o'clock.

But just to tide you over...

1 for the Donkeys

It soothes my filthy Leftist soul to see what has happened in the US over the last two days.

It's been a rough few years for those of us who refuse to bay for the blood of random Arabs, for those of us who feel that creating a war under false pretences is a wrong thing to do, for those of us who think that the First World should lead by example on issues of judicial process and transparency, on the environment and social policy.

Not that I'm convinced for a moment that all this will now come to fruition. The US has dug itself an enormous hole that it now has to start climbing out of and this country is still led by the rat-cunning of JHo and the Australian pater-cons.

But for the first time in many years there is a flicker from the Light on the Hill. A reminder that politics is about swings and roundabouts and that however much democracy can seem to kick you in the guts, it all evens out in the wash.

The question now will be how this is really going to change things in the States? Will their foreign policy be significantly altered? With George W a lame duck President, will the Democrats actually move to make the changes the voting public has so clearly demanded, or will they slip quietly into power and allow the situation to bubble along as it has for the last few years?

Some have even questioned if the Dems winning Virginia is actually a desirable outcome. The next few years will require a significant amount of 'correction' and having the Democrats in power of both Houses may simply damage the Democratic Presidential nominee (whoever that may be). Perhaps it's better to let George have his way for the last two years of his term so that the blame for the state of the country can be attributed solely to the Republicans when it next comes time to vote for the leader of the Western World.

If nothing else, it just makes me smile to look at an electoral map of the US and see no hard red Republican 'gains'.


[via]

It's going to be an interesting couple of months…

Will the GOP stop at nothing!!??

For those of you not sufficiently up with the coolsie political "lingo", the GOP is the US Republican Party (apparently stands for the Grand Old Party...WTFBBQ!?? etc).

Anyhoo, with voting in the mid-terms (almost?) complete, it seems that there's been some trouble with some of the polling booths.

Surprise sur-freakin-prise.

Fortunately, the folks at Wonkette seem to have discovered the cause.



COME ON USofA!! YOU CAN DO IT!!

*crosses fingers*

UPDATE: Early reports from CNN Exit Polls have the Democrats taking the Senate! Eek! COME ON!! [Via]

UPDATED UPDATE: Dems have the House. Three seats to come in for the Senate. If the Dems pick each of them up, they'll get both houses.

According to the NY Times:

Montana: 55% counted, Dems (51.5%), Reps (46.2%)
Missouri: 81% counted, Dems (48.8%), Reps (48.0%)
Virginia: 99.7% counted, Dems (49.5%), Reps (49.4%)

Go!

Why am I blogging this? Seriously. It's not like you can't look it up yourself and that it will be old news by the time I've finished typing it.

Let me have my Josh Lyman moment.

Hottness

Mrs Guts, Moi, Dr Mike and CC leading the charge at this thing.

Look at that strut!

Hott as.

2 November 1994

Twelve years ago today at 12pm, my Mum passed away in the Peter Mac Cancer Hospital in East Melbourne.

I don’t really have much to say on the matter, but every year I make an effort to mark the occasion in some way or another.

Of course losing a parent is an horrendous thing to have to deal with, but time does wonders. The tearing grief has given way to a gentle, lingering space. I just wish she could have met the people I share my life with these days, to sit back and have some beers, to talk about nothing, to see who I’ve become and where I am.

That’s all.

Wildy conceited with no self esteem

This is advanced warning that the next few weeks on this here blog are going to be hijacked more or less by the fact that I am in this show. As I’ve mentioned previously, involvement in this sort of production slowly becomes all-consuming until there is nothing else, it fills the horizon like a tidal wave threatening to sweep everything else away.

If you’ve never been involved in theatre, or performance in general (or even if you have), you might find this incredibly self-indulgent and boring as bat-shit an interesting series of posts.

There’s a line from Stephen Sondheim’s Company that describes one of the characters as “wildly conceited with no self-esteem”. Anyone who spends any time around actors knows that this comment sums them up beautifully and I place myself firmly among them.

Performance ego is forever balanced on a knife’s edge. A single compliment and the world is your oyster – the greatest actor the world has ever seen; a hint of disapproval and everything falls apart – who are you to be demanding money from people to see your pathetic performance? It really can be that dramatic (and yes, the pun is more than deliberate).

Of course it’s not always that full-on, but ask anyone who ever gets on stage and they’ll happily admit that a carefully placed word by the right (or wrong) person can significantly affect the way they feel.

But it’s more complicated than that. If it was simply a matter of feeding off compliments, every actor would be bouncing off the clouds. Rarely will anyone criticise you to your face. It’s obligatory to say how much you enjoyed the show and how good a performance was to any actor involved. It’s polite, it’s not being an arsehole. You know they’ve slaved their guts out over the thing, so you’re not going to turn around and tell them what you really feel – that they sucked sweaty goat’s balls and that you would rather stab yourself in the eye with John Howard’s eyebrows than have to sit through that tripe again.

So here’s the rub: an actor lives off compliments, but doesn’t believe a word of them, because they too know how it works.

But again, a complicating factor: while actors don’t want to be patronised and told that it was great when it really wasn’t, they also don’t want to be told it was crap because it will shatter their fragile little hearts.

And so, to borrow a line from City of Angels, you get to trust your instincts after a while. Because you can't believe a word anyone ever says to you, you develop your own barometer.

Predictably, I’m currently in a low ego ebb.

I know that I am a good actor and I have a significant body of empirical evidence to back that up (see the conceit!?) and yet the role I’m rehearsing at the moment is going nowhere (and then the lack of self-esteem). Self-doubt is creeping in. I feel like I haven’t played a decent role in five frickin years! I’ve forgotten how to do it. I feel wooden and awkward.

To make matters worse, the cast for this show is brilliant, every one of them, and I feel like I’m letting the team down.

And so is the lot of the actor.

I have no doubt there are others in this cast thinking exactly the same thing about themselves. And I know there will be people who will howl with protest at my self-flagellation, but there’s nothing anyone can do about it – it’s just the way it works. Always has, always will.

I know I’ll bounce back – all it takes is one good rehearsal and I’ll be back in the game, but it’s not so fun when you’re on the wrong side of that knife’s egde.



UPDATE: Best. Response. Ever.

"Oh, listen to Tom banging on again like a tool, why don't you just fuck off to the VCA and roll around on the floor pretending to be a fish for 3 years."


UPDATED UPDATE: It seems there has been some confusion about the unattributed response posted above. I can assure you that I deliberately posted it out of context 'cos I found it high-larious and that the unattributed (and now mortified) party meant it entirely in jest - fo shizzle.

BRB

My blogging of late has been interrupted as I have become utterly obsessed with a show that I'm in. On the weekend, we (the cast) went down the coast for some concentrated rehearsal time. It was grouse.

Last year, the same thing happened, only then I was directing, not actually in it. At the time, Peter wrote about it and his post sums up exactly how I feel now.

Being in a play, a good one, anyway, with a good cast, is like falling in love.

In the early rehearsals, you're all getting to know each other. Did he really laugh at that? Does she always wear those clothes? Could there really be another person that into Stevie Wonder? All you know at that stage is that these people love the same thing you do - the rest is a mystery. But all it takes is one significant shared experience, say, a rehearsal weekend at a beach house, and that curious attraction turns into full-blown, first-day-of-spring, dancing-hand-in-hand-through-a-field-of-daisies romance.

So while I remain distracted in that gut-churning, off-with-the-fairies way, I'll just have to keep you entertained with fluff.

First of all, the heartiest of congratulations to The Audrey's on winning their very first ARIA last night for Best Blues and Roots Album. I've known Taasha and Tristan since they did the soundtrack to a short film I was in several years ago. They are exceedingly lovely and deserve every good thing that comes to them.

I was going to post some amusing items for people to chuckle at appreciatively, but freakin' Blogger's not letting me load images so youse'll just have to wait.

But wait! It's back up!

OK, so here is a pictorial representation of me at the end of this weekend:


And then me after recovery this afternoon:


And finally, this one is for the Redhead - for no particular reason other than it reminds me of her:


Ah cat photos. How I love thee.

OMG!!1! LOLOPOLY!!!

I THOUGHT THIS HAD DISAPPEARED FROM THE INTERWEBS 4EVA

BUT IT HASN'T!!!!!!

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!11!!1!!

Go here immediately.

Must. Not. Explode...

I am frequently astonished by the crap that neo-con commentators come out with, particularly in the US.

But this story is just despicable.

US actor Michael J Fox has been accused of faking his symptoms of parkinson's disease in a political advertisement in support of stem cell research.

...

Conservative radio commentator Rush Limbaugh claimed Fox was "either off his medication or acting"

This is one of those occassions when I have to stop myself physically throwing my computer out the nearest window.

There is SO MUCH wrong with that statement. That the abusive fucktard (yes I acknowledge the irony) later recanted and apologised, makes it all the more revolting.

Can you sue people for that sort of thing? Surely it's defamation.

GAH!!

I'm so annoyed I'll just have to post this picture to make me feel better (courtesy of Jelly).

He's not racist, he's just a little bit emotional

A man who took part in the Cronulla riots last year was today sentenced to serve a year in jail for his actions.

Marcus Kapitza sounds like a lovely bloke who was in the wrong place at the wrong time...or something like that.

Today in court he said that he was a bit upset about the whole thing: "It has portrayed me as a racist, which I am not".

Hmm.

Not 100% sure it was the court case that has portrayed you as a racist there big fella. Don’t get me wrong, but MAYBE it was the singlet you made especially for the big event.

"Mohammed was a camel raping faggot"

What a quality piece of work you and all your fuckwit redneck Cronulla mates are.



I'm so glad we have you all to protect us from the those uncouth Muslims.

Oh the pain

I've been running for the last few months. Not away from anything necessarily - just around. You know, for the fitness and the like.

I go through periods of running.

It's a funny thing. I used to get incredibly bored just running around a park or somesuch, but once you've stuck at it, even for a couple of weeks, going for a run can be quite therapeutic. When it's a nice day outside, all I really want to do is go out and run around in it. It's like being eleven all over again. It makes me feel a bit like this.



Weird.

Because of all this running, I've actually started developing some sort of muscle-type substance on my legs - I suspect it may in fact be muscle, but my sources are yet to be verified.

I have also recently started playing soccer during my lunchtimes. Jolly larks etc.

However, today I went out and with my first swipe at a passing ball, did something decidely unpleasant to the muscles on my right leg (the ones on the front on the top half). Being the exceedingly brave soul that I am, I continued on, attempting to 'run it out' as footballers seem so fond of doing. In the process, I've done something equally nasty to the muscles on my left leg (again on the top half, but this time on the back).

Quite frankly, I am distinctly unimpressed. It hurts!

I'm hoping that everything will be fine tomorrow when I bound out of bed in my usual spectacular way, but I suspect this may not be the case.

So what I want to know is this: How does one stop one's legs being hurty?

Over to you, fitness freaks!

FRIV? Bah Humbug

I'm over Friday's Random Interweb Videos. And you should be too.

So I'm going to abandon it, lest it become stale and listless.

Deal.

Sooooo, how's about that weather huh? Pretty frickin' freezing Mr Bigglesworth!



Oh yeah, and it rained this afternoon. Sucked in you pathetic lefty, green-shirt wearing environment worshippers!! It's RAINING!!!! Ther's NO SUCH THING AS GLOBAL WARMING!!!1! You are so gullabal. IF GLOBAL WARMING EXISTS< THEN WHY IS IT SO FUKING COLD!????????? HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! IF WE HAD MORE DAMS THEY WOULD NOW BE FULL!!! LOOSERS.

*ahem*

Normal programming will commence...eventually.

PS - Internerd Explorer users. I KNOW the new template is having some issues with the whole scrolling thing. Won't somebody DO SOMETHING etc. I'll get there eventually.

From the Mouths of Mikes

Believe it or not, things have actually started to get busy at work... I KNOW!!

As I have neither the time nor inspiration at present, I thought I'd share some of Dr Mike's wisdom. Mike is a clever clogs and frequently gives me updates of what is going on in his head re things political.

And thus I present what may well become a regular feature: Political Stuff from Mike's Head.

Last night, SBS screened the US PBS Frontline documentary entitled "The Dark Side", examining the role of key players in the US administration, Vice-President Cheney in particular, as well as the role of intelligence agencies in recent conflict in the Middle East.

It mentioned something which I'm surprised not to have seen crop up in the anti-torture debate. You know the general argument that torture is bad idea because it can often result in false information, and that if you've got some guy strapped to electrified wires he'll just tell you what you want to hear?

How’s this for a specific example: You know the argument that Saddam had mobile biological and chemical weapons facilities, that he was supplying al-Qaeda with these, and that he was weaponising them for long-range missile use? Bush trotted this one in his State of the Union, telling us that we knew this for a fact. Cheney repeated on several occasions. It was the trump card that Powell played in the United Nations. It was the story we heard here, in Britain, and elsewhere.

Well guess where they got that intelligence?

That's right.

Torture.

It was something that was told to Egyptian security forces who were torturing a prisoner from Afghanistan that the CIA had turned over to them – you know, rendition.

This guy finally cracked and told them that yes, OK, they were right, Saddam had been supplying them with weapons, lots of them, are you happy? And they sent the info the US and the US took it as gospel, printed it up and used it to justify the invasion.

That’s a pretty good example of why, even if you don't have qualms about torturing people, the information you get isn’t reliable.

You can view the documentary online, and it's well worth it – particularly to see how the CIA handled the situation.

Hear bloody hear!!

Stay tuned for more Mike ramblings until we convince him he needs to start his own blog.

...

That is all.

I just...I can't bear it

A collection of church, community and school groups has been planning some sort of memorial in Canberra to mark the fifth anniversary of the sinking of the SIEVX and the deaths of 353 asylum seekers in 2001, but have been thwarted by the National Capital Authority - the federal government agency responsible for the proposed site.

National Capital Authority spokeswoman Anna Jackson told theage.com.au that the group's application was for a permanent national memorial, and the authority could not approve such an application because 10 years had not passed since the event.

This morning on Macquarie radio, in relation to the possibility of "a form of permamnent national recognition" John Howard said: "I certainly know that the people want it and we've had some very good suggestions and I hope we can come up with a sensible proposal."

What's that? He wasn't talking about the SIEVX?

The Federal Government is considering suggestions on how best to permanently honour the memory of Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin, Prime Minister John Howard says.

He said discussions would be held with Irwin's family "quite soon" on a form of permanent national recognition to the wildlife warrior.

Ten years hey?

That is a fucking disgrace.

FRIV - Part the Tenth

YES, PART THE TENTH!!

Are Friday's occurring a lot more frequently of late?

To be honest, I'm getting a little low on random interweb videos and I'm not convinced the whole Friday video thing is not getting old (too many negatives?), but let's just see how we go.

A couple of FRIV's ago we had talking dogs. Today...talking cats!


This is a short cartoon using text from spam email for the script. Spooky.



And lastly, a classic. AliG at the FB aye!


Have a pleasant weekend y'all.

Ta-da

What do you think?

I've changed the template because the previous one just looked God-awful on Internet Explorer, despite it's gorgeousness on Safari. Also because I'm aware that a majority of my readers are using IE (for the love of God, WHY!!?? etc). Thus the new look.

I'm yet to work out how to make the links in each post more visible - hopefully I get it together shortly.

Not sure about the comments at the top, but let's just see how it goes...

Anyhoo - enjoy.

Weh-hey!

Wow.

As some eagle-eyed Crikey subscribers have pointed out to me this afternoon, I got "Blogwatched" in today's edition.

How extremely flattering and completely unexpected.

Greetings Crikey readers!

I guess now that I'm like cool and stuff, I should start, you know, being seen places and having column inches dedicated to me in the national dailys. I shall go and do my hair...

kthxbye

As an openly admitted extension of the "culture wars" presently being waged by JHo and his band of Doodz, Julie Bishop has today come out swinging against the Victorian high school curriculum unit entitled "Text messaging".

According to The Age online, "In the unit ... students are asked to discuss issues associated with the growing practice of text messaging, develop a glossary of SMS (Short Messaging Service) abbreviations and translate and write SMS texts."

It's a cheap and easy headline for Bishop: "Schools abandon English for text messaging!!!" and almost painfully predictable. But typically, I suspect there has been little, if any examination of what the subject purports to teach, or even an attempt to find out more about it. After her ridiculously shrill denunciation of school boards setting curriculum "straight from Chairman Mao" (which has since been retracted), there is perhaps no great surprise about this.

Quoth she:

"It is unacceptable for students in English classes to be learning SMS, which is a travesty of English, studying television chat shows such as Jerry Springer, and other topics that are a distraction from their need to learn communications skills that will support them in a job and in further education and training"

To be honest, Bishop's response is barely worth consideration given the ideology so blatantly behind it, but it has made me consider my own initial, almost pavlovian, response when I heard that schools kids were "learning SMS" in their English classes. I got all huffy and thought, "how dare they do such a thing". But then I stopped for a moment, put on my I-refuse-to-be-an-areshole hat and gave it a bit of thought like the rational human being that I like to think I am and to be honest, I think it is a perfectly acceptable thing for these kids to study.

First of all, let's just consider exactly who is being "taught" here. The kids this is aimed at are years 8 through 10, in other words, 13 - 16 year-olds. Australia has one of the highest rates of mobile phone usage in the world and the figures of use in that age bracket are widely known to be enormous. These kids don't need to be taught how to use SMS - they freakin invented the language! I'm tipping your average 15 year-old is far more adept at texting and use of SMS abbreviation than, let's say, Julie Bishop.

What exactly is being taught? You can have a look for yourself if you're interested (PDF), but there are a number of different facets. Essentially, the subject is designed to break down the construction of SMS 'language' and examine how it is used, how it reflects 'plain English' and how it has developed, seeking to give students a deeper understanding of how language is built and is affected by those who use it and the circumstances in which it is found.

Language is a constantly evolving part of human life. SMS abbreviation is simply a further evolution in a time of extraordinarily rapid technological change. Anyone who tries to argue that somehow SMS is "a travesty of English" has not really thought about it very hard.

The English language comes in all manner of forms: scientific, Shakespearean, management, sports-speak, all of which have developed out of their own particular circumstances. SMS is no less valid simply because Julie Bishop doesn't understand it herself.

I'm not suggesting that it's acceptable for an English essay to be written in TXT (unless it's been specifically requested), but it is arguably the most dynamic dialect in the English language at present and therefore is worthy of examination, if for no other reason than to make it explicit as to why it's use outside SMSing is innapropriate. By including it as part of formal English classes, it both recognises and validates the part these kids play in the evolution of the English language. Just because they're kids, doesn't mean they haven't had a (significant) hand in the most dramatic changes to the language seen in a considerable time.

I guess we can just chalk this up to yet another ideologically driven political stunt designed to appeal to the lowest common denominator with little if any intention of addressing the relevant issues at hand.

FRIV - Part the Ninth

Friday Friday Friday. What would we do without you?

And Friday of course means Random Interweb Videos. YAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!!

Today also sees Me and Snooze turning a collective six years old. Woah. Happy day, Snooze.

And so...weird little break dancing Indian midget!!




And Star Wars condensed (for all you geeks from the previous post).



PS - if you're looking for an amusing post, can I suggest Sophie's short decsription of the visit of their small next door neighbour.

I'm on ur blog readin' ur newz

Ok, so there's lots of stuff I just don't get on the interwebs. I've admitted before that I simply don't understand what the 'youngsters' are up to a lot of the time. But anyone who has spent any time wandering aimlessly through Myspace will almost certainly have come across these things.

Like I said, I don't really get it, but they're kind of wrong and amusing...












And just cos it's funny:



Fin.

Google search this muthaphuckers

Feeling uninspired? Why, it's time for some blog filler.

I've been grinding this blog out for a little over three months now, so what better time to have a wander through the search archives and see just what those filthy people on the interwebs have come here for.

And so I present, the innaugural Itemisation Google Search Awards

Most Popular Single Search Term: "WTF is Emo" (I shit you not)

With some nice variations
Polite: "WTF is Emo?"
Angry: "WTF IS EMO"
Challenged: "WTF is Emo mean?" / "wtf is an emo" / "emo loopy"

Who knew so many people can't work it our either.


Most Persistent Search Term: "Crime and punishment in the Victorian Era"

And they go on:
"did crime and punishment occur in the victorian period"
"crime criminals punishment victorian england 1800s"
"victorian crime deportation"
"victorian era, crime and punishment"
"victorian era in the prison ships"
"what was the worst prison punishment in the victorian times?"
"hulks prison boats Williamstown"
"forms of punishment during the victorian era"
"crime and punishment in britain during the 1800s"
"punishment and crime during the victorian era"
"what were the prisoners punishments in victorian era?"

you get the idea...but my favorites from that list: "crime and punishment in the olden days" and the clearly frustrated "CRIME AND PUNISHMENT IN OLDEN ENGLAND!!!" Who doesn't love a search with exclamation marks (!).


The Search Term That Most Warms My Heart: "Video Dogs"

And there were LOTS of those. Sucked in you sour pricks.


Most Random: "Constituents of Banana" and "to raise ladies skirts in 1800s" (if only we could have been there...good times, good times)


Most Disturbing: "how to kill the census lady" (ooookay...) and "i hate bike riders" (um, yes)


So there you have it. Congratulations to the winners in each category and I look forward to the next time I can present some weird and wonderful searches from the bowels of the interwebs.

Sub-editor blows head (line)

Who doesn't love a good subby getting away with murder.

A few choice headlines as spotted in some of the nation's leading newspapers over the last few months:

"Free pedophile action"

"Woman raped by pool"

"Carr's promise to rape victims rings hollow"

I mean seriously, what are these people thinking?

From Helen, Snooze and Virginia respectively.

I want suggestions for a better post title. Come on people, I know you're out there...

FRIV - Part the Eighth

There's nothing worse than starting the day realising you've just fucked something up at work...

Happy Friday y'all.

The first video for this week's FRIV was sent to me by Wade who says of the video: "[my friend's] Brazilian sister in law swears that she got it from her cousin whose cat it was. In other words: urban legend!!"

Whether it's true or not, it's certainly pretty amusing.

The backstory has the owners of the cat wondering why their water bill had been so high for some time...



The second offering is something a little more contemplative than usual.

As I've mentioned previously, I loves me some good photography, and this stop-motion video is just beautiful (and can be enjoyed without the sound Helen).



And finally, a couple of external video links. This is a gold short film about Robin attempting to go on a date without Batman.

And this is the trailer for the new Bond film. It look good. I excite.

That is all.

I shall now return to sorting out my work mess before heading off down the coast for the weekend.

Up the Swannies!

US Intelligence? What would they know.

The charmingly named Sarah Smiles reports in today's Age that "the Prime Minister has dismissed parts of a US intelligence report that link the Iraq war with spreading global terrorism".

I love this.

Apparently John Howard knows better than 16 combined US intelligence agencies. The National Intelligence Estimate report is generated by the most highly organised, heavily funded intelligence community that has ever existed. But John Howard doesn't trust them. Why?

"Intelligence agencies have different views at different times," he told ABC radio.

"Some of the intelligence agencies that were involved in this assessment were telling us … that Iraq in 2003 had weapons of mass destruction."

That's right, John Howard knows better than these intelligence agencies, because some of them provided the information that he chose to believe sufficiently to send our Defence Forces off to war in Iraq.

So if these agencies provide you with information that will allow you to take politically expedient steps to war, then they must be listened to. They are, after all, the most technologically advanced, far-reaching intelligence apparatus in the world.

But if they suggest that your actions may in fact be exacerbating the situation then they are perennially incompetent flip-floppers who are to blame for the fact that the war exists in the first place.

Fortunately we have brave little Johnnie Howard who can step in and talk some sense. It's so enchantingly clever the way he can be in the right on both sides of an argument.

I've mentioned before that the right have been much craftier with their use of language than the left. But I've got to admit, the recent conservative trend towards being right on both sides of an argument is beginning to seem ridiculous.

Mr Lefty puts this best:

"Fundamentally, the world is a safer place, thanks to the leadership of George Bush, Tony Blair and John Howard, and it is also much more dangerous than it was five years ago, underlining how much we need more of their leadership."

Thank God he's never going to be out of office...

NRLY

I mean seriously.

The NRL has lost its championship trophy five days before the Grand Final.

Apart from the fact that it's barely a game (or perhaps for that very reason), they could only manage an average crowd attendance of 17,336 this year (compared to the AFLs 32,250) and they can't even keep hold of the sport's major prize.

I just... honestly. What do Northerners see in it?





And bad luck Scotty West.


It should have been you.

B.O.R.E.D.

I don't want to be at work. Wah.

Why is no one updating their blogs!? Don't they realise they have a duty to entertain me when I have nothing to do!?!

WON'T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!


Oh Dawn, I know how you feel.

FRIV - Part the Seventh

It's time for Friday's Random Interweb Video! Hooray!!

But first...

Separated at birth?



Above is Beavis of Beavis and Butthead fame. Below is the Right Honourable Dr Brendan Nelson MP, Federal Defence Minister and Liberal Member for Bradfield as depicted in this morning's Age newspaper by Matt Golding.

The truly frightening thing is that neither of them seems capable of moving their faces above the mouth...

And on to today's videos.

This kid is four years old. Dude.


And if you haven't had the pleasure of meeting Borat before, or even if you have, here he is on Conan O'Brien.


Hee hee. This just in courtesy of Virginia.

OK, that was just getting annoying - I've taken the video off 'cos it keeps playing every time this blog gets loaded. If you want to get your kitten fix, go here.

The Irwin memorial tragedy

After getting home from work yesterday evening, I turned on the telly for my usual bout of post-work laziness and encountered the tail end of the Steve Irwin memorial service at Australia Zoo. To be honest, after watching a parade of quintessentially "aussie" celebrities strut their stuff, I had to turn it off as our Great and Noble Leader took the microphone to wax lyrical about the Australian-ness of the Crocodile Hunter.

It was tragic. Not because of the forced sentiment of the performers, but because it seemed to reinforce Irwin's cult of celebrity, and take from the family the intensely personal experience of the death of a loved one.

Nowhere was this more evident than the speech of Bindi Irwin, Steve's eight year-old daughter.

I speak from experience as someone who has been on the wrong end of a parent's death. Bindi's speech, while remarkable for it's apparent composure, was a performance for an international television audience. It was not the personal message of a daughter who had just tragically lost her father, but a set piece, performed flawlessly, with all the self-awareness such coverage brings with it. As a consequence, I found it quite unsettling.

Everyone deals with grief in a different way. Some people scream and cry until they have nothing left but sleep. Others stay quiet, almost physically detached from the events occurring around them. But no matter what the response, the formal, ritualised condolences from those outside the family circle are almost always innappropriate.

I found one of the most obvious examples of this is being told how brave you are. It's a cliche that comes quickly and easily to mind - "you're being so brave" - but someone who has just experienced the death of a loved one is not being "brave", they are just going on as best they can. The world either falls apart completely, or you continue to put one foot in front of the other. There is nothing "brave" in this response - there just simply isn't another option.

Another assumption is that everything else falls away, that those affected can think of nothing but the loved one lost and that all thought of other matters is almost sacrilegious. But that's not how it works at all. You continue to function as you always have. You think the same thoughts as you did last week. You have the same conceipts, vanities, neuroses, it's just that everything is enhanced by the lead weight in your stomach and the exhaustion of constant thought. In effect, nothing has changed.

I don't know who decided Bindi Irwin should speak at her father's memorial service, it may even have been Bindi herself, but I question the wisdom of the decision. Despite everything else that was going on, Bindi was clearly intensely aware of what it was she was doing. I suspect the thought of speaking to an audience of several million people around the world would have been her main preoccupation for the whole of yesterday if not several days before. The same would go for anyone placed in a similar position. But the result was a little girl intent on performing her best to a huge audience - the only use to tug on the heart strings of those watching from a distance.

It is difficult to suggest to anyone how they should go about grieving, but I feel that Bindi was used in a way that did not contribute to her family, or herself, but rather fed the entertainment quotient of "the slick production" of yesterday's memorial service. The media today is praising her as a "brave little girl", feeding the condolence cliche machine, but I don't see bravery, I see an eight year-old tragically severed from her Dad not having the opportunity to sit with her family and experience collective grief, but being placed, literally, on a pedestal and expected to perform.

The family will continue to put one foot in front of the other as the attention slips away, they'll learn how to deal with an entirely new set of relationships as the media packs up and goes home. Over the next few weeks they will come to grips with the reality of their situation and slowly return to a normal, but entirely different life.

Bindi Irwin's performance was truly impressive, but only as a performance. I just wish she'd been given the chance to experience her Dad's death in the arms of her family instead of on an isolated stage in front of millions of strangers.

Bits and Pieces

Who the fuck is Sam Brett and why must The Age expose us to her insufferable cliche-ridden tripe. Am I the only one with a burning desire to stab blunt knitting needles through her eyes? I mean seriously, "girls, hold on to your men" - FUCK OFF!

For the economic geeks out there, or for those who just enjoy some serious graphical representation, have a look at this awesome graph of the US budget. Just amazing.

Bookshelves made of random shapes that you can simply stick to your walls in any shape. I want them.





[last two things via Boing Boing]

UPDATE: Oooh, ooh. How on earth did I not notice that CC has joined the world of the interwebbers! Welcome.

Hai-coup

Thailand unhappy
Also is army it seems
Bangkok coup d'etat

or would you prefer

Shinawatra bad
Thais got all up in his grill
Bye bye government

Vote 1 wom*n

Some of you may have had the pleasure of encountering Miranda Airey-Branson before. She gained some notoriety in the blogging world during the infamous Pandagate saga (and if you are not familiar, I highly recommend the read) and shortly thereafter was exposed as one of the charming Young Liberals who were accused of posing "as 'bogus Green campaign workers' on election day to trick Green supporters into voting Liberal" in Port Melbourne during the last federal election.

She is also noted for asking Andrew Bolt, during her time as Editor of Melbourne University's student newspaper Farrago, how it was that he managed to stay "attractive and conservative at the same time" and for having some interesting views on a whole range of things.

Well, you'll be pleased to know that Ms Airey-Branson is back in the political thick of things as a candidate for Women's Officer in the Melbourne University Student Union elections. As such, she has a couple of blurbs in Farrago outlining her policies.

This is her pitch for the office of Women's Officer:

"Hi, I'm Miranda Airey-Branson. The current office bearers are too corrupt to be in the students union. I'm sick of the Union treating me as belonging to a special disadvantaged group just because I'm a woman. Women don't need these ridiculous rules creating special positions for women for the reason that we are women.

Enough is enough, by electing me I will fight to break down these barriers perpetuating a belief that men are better than women. Join me in showing the world that women can beat men at anything when we are not being patronised by absurd anti-discrimination measures."

In other words, "elect me and I will scrap this position". Not the best way to get elected I would have thought. Nonetheless. She then goes on to give Melbourne University Students an idea of what the Women's Officer should really be aiming for:

"Hello my name is Miranda. My dream is to be just like Paris Hilton. She is truly a role model for young women all around the world. Paris has the confidence and the will to stand up for herself and for her rights - we all need to follow her example and step into the world knowing that we can do anything and nothing and no-one can prevent us from achieving every success."

That's right ladies, you need to stop being so put upon and be more like Paris.

Jelly, Virginia, Sophie, CC, Snooze and other readers sporting lady bits take note!

PS - You may be surprised to learn that Ms Airey-Branson was unsuccesful in her attempt to be elected, nor (unfortunately) did she get a spot on the Women's Committee.

IOYC - back in the game

Hoorah!

I'M ON YOUR COMPUTER or simply IOYC, one of the oddest and enchantingly worded bloggers on the interwebs has returned. I insist you go there immediately.

The Pope and lack of context

Waleed Aly writes a thoughtful piece in today's Age about the (over)reaction to Pope Benedict's comments on Islam.

As the more extreme elements in the Muslim world go about demonstrating that they are not violent by reacting violently, Aly points out that Benedict's comments were delivered as part of an academic theological paper at a German University and that his quoting of the 14th century Byzantine Emperor Manuel II has been taken almost entirely out of context.

Regardless of whether or not you believe it was appropriate for a man of such religious prominence to be drawing attention to the (presumably now) irrelevant musings of a medieval christian leader, it is difficult to argue that the response has been warranted. As Aly points out more lucidly that I am able, Benedict used the quote almost as a footnote to elaborate his point that "missionary violence is contrary to rationality" and therefore could not have "come from God". Taken in context, how this could be construed as being anti-Islam it is difficult to say.

But that's exactly the point. The Pope's words were not taken in context.

The quotation that was used was plucked from the transcript and broadcast across the world. A brilliant soundbite, certain to stir up a lively response. That it ran contrary to the spirit of the full address was considered irrelevant.

I find it increasingly depressing that this style of reporting and the public acceptance of it has reduced debate to the simplest of phrases and quickest of soundbites. What was done to the Pope's address is done on a daily basis to politicians and as a result, political discourse both in this country and around the world is now little more than a battle of one-liners. It leaves no room for big ideas or the encouragement of intelligence or discussion. Any extended concept or speech is tagged by the best, most controversial soundbite that can be wrung from it and as a consequence, no one in the public eye is willing to say anything even remotely engaging and when they do you end up with a Barry Jones' spaghetti diagram situation, a perfect example of not being willing or able to engage the ideas put forward.

Gah. This is why we need more people like Waleed Aly. You never know, one day people might actually go back to respecting complex thought.

FRIV - Part the Sixth

First of all, I just thought I'd let you know that I've decided to go into the music business.

Make your own here.

Now for random interweb videos. I know many of you have seen this before, but I think it's worth re-airing. I love David Attenborough...


And next, Japanese tree catching.

Where I've been

If you are easily enjealoused, look away now.

On Sunday night Snooze and I headed down the south west coast to the lovely and exceptionally green Otways national park.

We camped in a tent next to the car with lots of stuff.


In the morning, it was pretty.


Pete and the Redhead arrived with their Italian friend Federico.

We put all the stuff in novelty oversize packs and started walking.


And walking.


And walking.



It was nice.


Then we had to cross a river.


It was cold.

Then we walked some more.


Then we stopped and had dinner.


And looked at the nice views.


There were dead people.


And koalas.


Then we got up and walked some more.


And walked.

We saw some more koalas (18 to be exact).


And walked.


We gambolled on the beach.


And walked.


Then we got to the end and went here.


And had a roast.

It was delightful.

Now we're back in Melbourne and I have to go back to work. Boo.

The end.

So that's where I've been so you can stop wringing your hands and crying "where oh where has Tom gone!!??" because I'm back now.