Wildy conceited with no self esteem

This is advanced warning that the next few weeks on this here blog are going to be hijacked more or less by the fact that I am in this show. As I’ve mentioned previously, involvement in this sort of production slowly becomes all-consuming until there is nothing else, it fills the horizon like a tidal wave threatening to sweep everything else away.

If you’ve never been involved in theatre, or performance in general (or even if you have), you might find this incredibly self-indulgent and boring as bat-shit an interesting series of posts.

There’s a line from Stephen Sondheim’s Company that describes one of the characters as “wildly conceited with no self-esteem”. Anyone who spends any time around actors knows that this comment sums them up beautifully and I place myself firmly among them.

Performance ego is forever balanced on a knife’s edge. A single compliment and the world is your oyster – the greatest actor the world has ever seen; a hint of disapproval and everything falls apart – who are you to be demanding money from people to see your pathetic performance? It really can be that dramatic (and yes, the pun is more than deliberate).

Of course it’s not always that full-on, but ask anyone who ever gets on stage and they’ll happily admit that a carefully placed word by the right (or wrong) person can significantly affect the way they feel.

But it’s more complicated than that. If it was simply a matter of feeding off compliments, every actor would be bouncing off the clouds. Rarely will anyone criticise you to your face. It’s obligatory to say how much you enjoyed the show and how good a performance was to any actor involved. It’s polite, it’s not being an arsehole. You know they’ve slaved their guts out over the thing, so you’re not going to turn around and tell them what you really feel – that they sucked sweaty goat’s balls and that you would rather stab yourself in the eye with John Howard’s eyebrows than have to sit through that tripe again.

So here’s the rub: an actor lives off compliments, but doesn’t believe a word of them, because they too know how it works.

But again, a complicating factor: while actors don’t want to be patronised and told that it was great when it really wasn’t, they also don’t want to be told it was crap because it will shatter their fragile little hearts.

And so, to borrow a line from City of Angels, you get to trust your instincts after a while. Because you can't believe a word anyone ever says to you, you develop your own barometer.

Predictably, I’m currently in a low ego ebb.

I know that I am a good actor and I have a significant body of empirical evidence to back that up (see the conceit!?) and yet the role I’m rehearsing at the moment is going nowhere (and then the lack of self-esteem). Self-doubt is creeping in. I feel like I haven’t played a decent role in five frickin years! I’ve forgotten how to do it. I feel wooden and awkward.

To make matters worse, the cast for this show is brilliant, every one of them, and I feel like I’m letting the team down.

And so is the lot of the actor.

I have no doubt there are others in this cast thinking exactly the same thing about themselves. And I know there will be people who will howl with protest at my self-flagellation, but there’s nothing anyone can do about it – it’s just the way it works. Always has, always will.

I know I’ll bounce back – all it takes is one good rehearsal and I’ll be back in the game, but it’s not so fun when you’re on the wrong side of that knife’s egde.



UPDATE: Best. Response. Ever.

"Oh, listen to Tom banging on again like a tool, why don't you just fuck off to the VCA and roll around on the floor pretending to be a fish for 3 years."


UPDATED UPDATE: It seems there has been some confusion about the unattributed response posted above. I can assure you that I deliberately posted it out of context 'cos I found it high-larious and that the unattributed (and now mortified) party meant it entirely in jest - fo shizzle.

BRB

My blogging of late has been interrupted as I have become utterly obsessed with a show that I'm in. On the weekend, we (the cast) went down the coast for some concentrated rehearsal time. It was grouse.

Last year, the same thing happened, only then I was directing, not actually in it. At the time, Peter wrote about it and his post sums up exactly how I feel now.

Being in a play, a good one, anyway, with a good cast, is like falling in love.

In the early rehearsals, you're all getting to know each other. Did he really laugh at that? Does she always wear those clothes? Could there really be another person that into Stevie Wonder? All you know at that stage is that these people love the same thing you do - the rest is a mystery. But all it takes is one significant shared experience, say, a rehearsal weekend at a beach house, and that curious attraction turns into full-blown, first-day-of-spring, dancing-hand-in-hand-through-a-field-of-daisies romance.

So while I remain distracted in that gut-churning, off-with-the-fairies way, I'll just have to keep you entertained with fluff.

First of all, the heartiest of congratulations to The Audrey's on winning their very first ARIA last night for Best Blues and Roots Album. I've known Taasha and Tristan since they did the soundtrack to a short film I was in several years ago. They are exceedingly lovely and deserve every good thing that comes to them.

I was going to post some amusing items for people to chuckle at appreciatively, but freakin' Blogger's not letting me load images so youse'll just have to wait.

But wait! It's back up!

OK, so here is a pictorial representation of me at the end of this weekend:


And then me after recovery this afternoon:


And finally, this one is for the Redhead - for no particular reason other than it reminds me of her:


Ah cat photos. How I love thee.

OMG!!1! LOLOPOLY!!!

I THOUGHT THIS HAD DISAPPEARED FROM THE INTERWEBS 4EVA

BUT IT HASN'T!!!!!!

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!11!!1!!

Go here immediately.

Must. Not. Explode...

I am frequently astonished by the crap that neo-con commentators come out with, particularly in the US.

But this story is just despicable.

US actor Michael J Fox has been accused of faking his symptoms of parkinson's disease in a political advertisement in support of stem cell research.

...

Conservative radio commentator Rush Limbaugh claimed Fox was "either off his medication or acting"

This is one of those occassions when I have to stop myself physically throwing my computer out the nearest window.

There is SO MUCH wrong with that statement. That the abusive fucktard (yes I acknowledge the irony) later recanted and apologised, makes it all the more revolting.

Can you sue people for that sort of thing? Surely it's defamation.

GAH!!

I'm so annoyed I'll just have to post this picture to make me feel better (courtesy of Jelly).

He's not racist, he's just a little bit emotional

A man who took part in the Cronulla riots last year was today sentenced to serve a year in jail for his actions.

Marcus Kapitza sounds like a lovely bloke who was in the wrong place at the wrong time...or something like that.

Today in court he said that he was a bit upset about the whole thing: "It has portrayed me as a racist, which I am not".

Hmm.

Not 100% sure it was the court case that has portrayed you as a racist there big fella. Don’t get me wrong, but MAYBE it was the singlet you made especially for the big event.

"Mohammed was a camel raping faggot"

What a quality piece of work you and all your fuckwit redneck Cronulla mates are.



I'm so glad we have you all to protect us from the those uncouth Muslims.

Oh the pain

I've been running for the last few months. Not away from anything necessarily - just around. You know, for the fitness and the like.

I go through periods of running.

It's a funny thing. I used to get incredibly bored just running around a park or somesuch, but once you've stuck at it, even for a couple of weeks, going for a run can be quite therapeutic. When it's a nice day outside, all I really want to do is go out and run around in it. It's like being eleven all over again. It makes me feel a bit like this.



Weird.

Because of all this running, I've actually started developing some sort of muscle-type substance on my legs - I suspect it may in fact be muscle, but my sources are yet to be verified.

I have also recently started playing soccer during my lunchtimes. Jolly larks etc.

However, today I went out and with my first swipe at a passing ball, did something decidely unpleasant to the muscles on my right leg (the ones on the front on the top half). Being the exceedingly brave soul that I am, I continued on, attempting to 'run it out' as footballers seem so fond of doing. In the process, I've done something equally nasty to the muscles on my left leg (again on the top half, but this time on the back).

Quite frankly, I am distinctly unimpressed. It hurts!

I'm hoping that everything will be fine tomorrow when I bound out of bed in my usual spectacular way, but I suspect this may not be the case.

So what I want to know is this: How does one stop one's legs being hurty?

Over to you, fitness freaks!

FRIV? Bah Humbug

I'm over Friday's Random Interweb Videos. And you should be too.

So I'm going to abandon it, lest it become stale and listless.

Deal.

Sooooo, how's about that weather huh? Pretty frickin' freezing Mr Bigglesworth!



Oh yeah, and it rained this afternoon. Sucked in you pathetic lefty, green-shirt wearing environment worshippers!! It's RAINING!!!! Ther's NO SUCH THING AS GLOBAL WARMING!!!1! You are so gullabal. IF GLOBAL WARMING EXISTS< THEN WHY IS IT SO FUKING COLD!????????? HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! IF WE HAD MORE DAMS THEY WOULD NOW BE FULL!!! LOOSERS.

*ahem*

Normal programming will commence...eventually.

PS - Internerd Explorer users. I KNOW the new template is having some issues with the whole scrolling thing. Won't somebody DO SOMETHING etc. I'll get there eventually.

From the Mouths of Mikes

Believe it or not, things have actually started to get busy at work... I KNOW!!

As I have neither the time nor inspiration at present, I thought I'd share some of Dr Mike's wisdom. Mike is a clever clogs and frequently gives me updates of what is going on in his head re things political.

And thus I present what may well become a regular feature: Political Stuff from Mike's Head.

Last night, SBS screened the US PBS Frontline documentary entitled "The Dark Side", examining the role of key players in the US administration, Vice-President Cheney in particular, as well as the role of intelligence agencies in recent conflict in the Middle East.

It mentioned something which I'm surprised not to have seen crop up in the anti-torture debate. You know the general argument that torture is bad idea because it can often result in false information, and that if you've got some guy strapped to electrified wires he'll just tell you what you want to hear?

How’s this for a specific example: You know the argument that Saddam had mobile biological and chemical weapons facilities, that he was supplying al-Qaeda with these, and that he was weaponising them for long-range missile use? Bush trotted this one in his State of the Union, telling us that we knew this for a fact. Cheney repeated on several occasions. It was the trump card that Powell played in the United Nations. It was the story we heard here, in Britain, and elsewhere.

Well guess where they got that intelligence?

That's right.

Torture.

It was something that was told to Egyptian security forces who were torturing a prisoner from Afghanistan that the CIA had turned over to them – you know, rendition.

This guy finally cracked and told them that yes, OK, they were right, Saddam had been supplying them with weapons, lots of them, are you happy? And they sent the info the US and the US took it as gospel, printed it up and used it to justify the invasion.

That’s a pretty good example of why, even if you don't have qualms about torturing people, the information you get isn’t reliable.

You can view the documentary online, and it's well worth it – particularly to see how the CIA handled the situation.

Hear bloody hear!!

Stay tuned for more Mike ramblings until we convince him he needs to start his own blog.

...

That is all.

I just...I can't bear it

A collection of church, community and school groups has been planning some sort of memorial in Canberra to mark the fifth anniversary of the sinking of the SIEVX and the deaths of 353 asylum seekers in 2001, but have been thwarted by the National Capital Authority - the federal government agency responsible for the proposed site.

National Capital Authority spokeswoman Anna Jackson told theage.com.au that the group's application was for a permanent national memorial, and the authority could not approve such an application because 10 years had not passed since the event.

This morning on Macquarie radio, in relation to the possibility of "a form of permamnent national recognition" John Howard said: "I certainly know that the people want it and we've had some very good suggestions and I hope we can come up with a sensible proposal."

What's that? He wasn't talking about the SIEVX?

The Federal Government is considering suggestions on how best to permanently honour the memory of Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin, Prime Minister John Howard says.

He said discussions would be held with Irwin's family "quite soon" on a form of permanent national recognition to the wildlife warrior.

Ten years hey?

That is a fucking disgrace.

FRIV - Part the Tenth

YES, PART THE TENTH!!

Are Friday's occurring a lot more frequently of late?

To be honest, I'm getting a little low on random interweb videos and I'm not convinced the whole Friday video thing is not getting old (too many negatives?), but let's just see how we go.

A couple of FRIV's ago we had talking dogs. Today...talking cats!


This is a short cartoon using text from spam email for the script. Spooky.



And lastly, a classic. AliG at the FB aye!


Have a pleasant weekend y'all.

Ta-da

What do you think?

I've changed the template because the previous one just looked God-awful on Internet Explorer, despite it's gorgeousness on Safari. Also because I'm aware that a majority of my readers are using IE (for the love of God, WHY!!?? etc). Thus the new look.

I'm yet to work out how to make the links in each post more visible - hopefully I get it together shortly.

Not sure about the comments at the top, but let's just see how it goes...

Anyhoo - enjoy.

Weh-hey!

Wow.

As some eagle-eyed Crikey subscribers have pointed out to me this afternoon, I got "Blogwatched" in today's edition.

How extremely flattering and completely unexpected.

Greetings Crikey readers!

I guess now that I'm like cool and stuff, I should start, you know, being seen places and having column inches dedicated to me in the national dailys. I shall go and do my hair...

kthxbye

As an openly admitted extension of the "culture wars" presently being waged by JHo and his band of Doodz, Julie Bishop has today come out swinging against the Victorian high school curriculum unit entitled "Text messaging".

According to The Age online, "In the unit ... students are asked to discuss issues associated with the growing practice of text messaging, develop a glossary of SMS (Short Messaging Service) abbreviations and translate and write SMS texts."

It's a cheap and easy headline for Bishop: "Schools abandon English for text messaging!!!" and almost painfully predictable. But typically, I suspect there has been little, if any examination of what the subject purports to teach, or even an attempt to find out more about it. After her ridiculously shrill denunciation of school boards setting curriculum "straight from Chairman Mao" (which has since been retracted), there is perhaps no great surprise about this.

Quoth she:

"It is unacceptable for students in English classes to be learning SMS, which is a travesty of English, studying television chat shows such as Jerry Springer, and other topics that are a distraction from their need to learn communications skills that will support them in a job and in further education and training"

To be honest, Bishop's response is barely worth consideration given the ideology so blatantly behind it, but it has made me consider my own initial, almost pavlovian, response when I heard that schools kids were "learning SMS" in their English classes. I got all huffy and thought, "how dare they do such a thing". But then I stopped for a moment, put on my I-refuse-to-be-an-areshole hat and gave it a bit of thought like the rational human being that I like to think I am and to be honest, I think it is a perfectly acceptable thing for these kids to study.

First of all, let's just consider exactly who is being "taught" here. The kids this is aimed at are years 8 through 10, in other words, 13 - 16 year-olds. Australia has one of the highest rates of mobile phone usage in the world and the figures of use in that age bracket are widely known to be enormous. These kids don't need to be taught how to use SMS - they freakin invented the language! I'm tipping your average 15 year-old is far more adept at texting and use of SMS abbreviation than, let's say, Julie Bishop.

What exactly is being taught? You can have a look for yourself if you're interested (PDF), but there are a number of different facets. Essentially, the subject is designed to break down the construction of SMS 'language' and examine how it is used, how it reflects 'plain English' and how it has developed, seeking to give students a deeper understanding of how language is built and is affected by those who use it and the circumstances in which it is found.

Language is a constantly evolving part of human life. SMS abbreviation is simply a further evolution in a time of extraordinarily rapid technological change. Anyone who tries to argue that somehow SMS is "a travesty of English" has not really thought about it very hard.

The English language comes in all manner of forms: scientific, Shakespearean, management, sports-speak, all of which have developed out of their own particular circumstances. SMS is no less valid simply because Julie Bishop doesn't understand it herself.

I'm not suggesting that it's acceptable for an English essay to be written in TXT (unless it's been specifically requested), but it is arguably the most dynamic dialect in the English language at present and therefore is worthy of examination, if for no other reason than to make it explicit as to why it's use outside SMSing is innapropriate. By including it as part of formal English classes, it both recognises and validates the part these kids play in the evolution of the English language. Just because they're kids, doesn't mean they haven't had a (significant) hand in the most dramatic changes to the language seen in a considerable time.

I guess we can just chalk this up to yet another ideologically driven political stunt designed to appeal to the lowest common denominator with little if any intention of addressing the relevant issues at hand.

FRIV - Part the Ninth

Friday Friday Friday. What would we do without you?

And Friday of course means Random Interweb Videos. YAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!!

Today also sees Me and Snooze turning a collective six years old. Woah. Happy day, Snooze.

And so...weird little break dancing Indian midget!!




And Star Wars condensed (for all you geeks from the previous post).



PS - if you're looking for an amusing post, can I suggest Sophie's short decsription of the visit of their small next door neighbour.

I'm on ur blog readin' ur newz

Ok, so there's lots of stuff I just don't get on the interwebs. I've admitted before that I simply don't understand what the 'youngsters' are up to a lot of the time. But anyone who has spent any time wandering aimlessly through Myspace will almost certainly have come across these things.

Like I said, I don't really get it, but they're kind of wrong and amusing...












And just cos it's funny:



Fin.

Google search this muthaphuckers

Feeling uninspired? Why, it's time for some blog filler.

I've been grinding this blog out for a little over three months now, so what better time to have a wander through the search archives and see just what those filthy people on the interwebs have come here for.

And so I present, the innaugural Itemisation Google Search Awards

Most Popular Single Search Term: "WTF is Emo" (I shit you not)

With some nice variations
Polite: "WTF is Emo?"
Angry: "WTF IS EMO"
Challenged: "WTF is Emo mean?" / "wtf is an emo" / "emo loopy"

Who knew so many people can't work it our either.


Most Persistent Search Term: "Crime and punishment in the Victorian Era"

And they go on:
"did crime and punishment occur in the victorian period"
"crime criminals punishment victorian england 1800s"
"victorian crime deportation"
"victorian era, crime and punishment"
"victorian era in the prison ships"
"what was the worst prison punishment in the victorian times?"
"hulks prison boats Williamstown"
"forms of punishment during the victorian era"
"crime and punishment in britain during the 1800s"
"punishment and crime during the victorian era"
"what were the prisoners punishments in victorian era?"

you get the idea...but my favorites from that list: "crime and punishment in the olden days" and the clearly frustrated "CRIME AND PUNISHMENT IN OLDEN ENGLAND!!!" Who doesn't love a search with exclamation marks (!).


The Search Term That Most Warms My Heart: "Video Dogs"

And there were LOTS of those. Sucked in you sour pricks.


Most Random: "Constituents of Banana" and "to raise ladies skirts in 1800s" (if only we could have been there...good times, good times)


Most Disturbing: "how to kill the census lady" (ooookay...) and "i hate bike riders" (um, yes)


So there you have it. Congratulations to the winners in each category and I look forward to the next time I can present some weird and wonderful searches from the bowels of the interwebs.

Sub-editor blows head (line)

Who doesn't love a good subby getting away with murder.

A few choice headlines as spotted in some of the nation's leading newspapers over the last few months:

"Free pedophile action"

"Woman raped by pool"

"Carr's promise to rape victims rings hollow"

I mean seriously, what are these people thinking?

From Helen, Snooze and Virginia respectively.

I want suggestions for a better post title. Come on people, I know you're out there...